Friday, September 29, 2006


Since Chanson and I are going to fight over JLO, I decided I'd talk about my shortcomings over here, instead of hogging her comment space.

Regarding my earlier post about certain beliefs I have, there's another subtopic I want to discuss. I said, "The way I interpret others' actions is based on my own life experiences and insecurities, and is therefore biased." This is something I really have to tell myself over and over again, because I've found that I'm somewhat of a jealous person. I guess I always have been, but I've never acknowledged it until recently.

I don't get jealous in the sense of envy or bitterness; I don't guard things vigilantly; I'm not jealous like "god", intolerant of disloyalty or unfaithfulness. So how am I jealous?? I found the definition of jealous that best describes me, and it most certainly has to do with my insecurities:

"Fearful or wary of being supplanted; apprehensive of losing affection or position."

I suppose I feel like I'm easily replaceable, not so very unique, and teetering precariously on the edge of oblivion. In my logical mind I know that no one else can make these feelings disappear. I know that I have to find validation within myself. This is something I seek, every day. Self-worth. I seek the voices inside myself that tell me I'm a rockin lady on my own merits, not by borrowed qualities.

So there you go! How's that for an insightful peek into La...and all that entails? (sorry to borrow your creativity, Rebecca! ;-))


Sister Mary Lisa said...

Hear me, and hear me well. I think you are awesome. You may note that my blogroll includes the blogs I enjoy a lot (I know I've missed listing some), ANYWAY, until today you were on the very top of my list, because yours was the first blog I cared to list, and because it was the most interesting to me. (Now I'm gaining enemies from my other favorites...sigh. Not intended) Just today I put Jazzy on top, because I've been close to her in person in my real life for many years.

You have no reason to be jealous here. You reign supreme!

Rebecca said...

Stop! Thief! Nacho cheese! Nacho cheese!

Several years ago I realized that I subconsciously keep my friends apart - I'm rarely friends with people who are friends with each other, and I almost never introduce them to each other (and there's even MORE, but it would take up a lot of space. SPACE SPACE SPACE. IT WOULD TAKE UP UNNECESSARY SPACE. LALALALALALAHAHAHAHAHAHA). And even though I now see this, I still do it without thinking.

I totally just used your comments to talk about myself instead of you. That's so annoying. Even I'm annoyed.

You are awesome, and I don't care if you're jealous. I WANT you to be jealous. Well, as long as you're jealous over MEEEEE!!!

La said...

God are you kidding? I could kick Sparkle's ass cause she gets to spend time with you. Who cares that she's only, like, 14. I could take her, and take her down HARD.


Rebecca said...

(insert squeals of delight, born of an incredible feeling of POWER!)

Sister Mary Lisa said...

(Insert my own jealousy over a friendship as fun as yours seems.)

Rebecca, can we be friends too?? La, will that make you jealous? Rebecca, can I still be friends with La if I'm friends with you? Oh the humanity of it all!

Sideon said...

I'm jealous of porn stars. They get paid to boink. How cool is that?

I don't get jealous of other people being friends or attentive of the people I care about. I don't get jealous of what people have or don't have. Every once in a while I have envy (porn stars), but it's tempered by the knowledge I have of myself. I'm not perfect by any means - I have flare ups and incidents, but for the most part, I'm just not a jealous person.

Cut yourself some slack. Part of dealing with jealousy is discovering yourself - and you're finding/discovering your own Eden. Insert sexy female techno modified voice (with a British accent) here: "We are in Heaven."