Friday, July 28, 2006

Instead of posting a comment, I take my rant to my own blog

From JLO's blog: "A friend told me this morning that it's never simply a matter of severing all ties to maintain your integrity. Rather, you have to make your peace by compromising, by swallowing your pride and living with unpleasantness."

I certainly don't agree with that statement. To maintain integrity, one should not have to sever ties, true. Swallowing pride, though? And living with unpleasantness? Why should anyone have to submit to those things? One thing I take from my mormon experience is the concept of Individual Worth. I probably don't take it in the way the mormons intend, but still, the idea of placing value upon oneself is a very important lesson.

If JLO, or anyone else, compromises (in this case, integrity), swallows pride, and lives with unpleasantness, what are the compromises his family is making? What is the pride his family is swallowing? What unpleasantness is his family living with? What integrity and self-worth are they giving up? If JLO has to do those things (to maintain peace?) then all the others should have to also. It's unbalanced to make the problems and solutions in a situation fall upon only one individual.

One must absolutely live a life of integrity. If their family doesn't accept them, the problem therein lies with the family, not the individual. If the person is being true to theirself and their beliefs, only THEN can pride be swallowed and unpleasantness lived with. You can't ask someone to live a less-than-honest life and also to shut their mouths and accept it. My integrity comes first. Then we can compromise.

3 comments:

Rebecca said...

Yeah, I think compromise is always a necessary part of life, and of relationships, but not if it's pretty much one-sided. Then it's not so much compromise as it is capitulation.

Just one of many said...

La, I just want to say you have balls!! I mean that in the most positive and complimentary way!
I do not presume to know the intimate details of JLO 's (I bet he feels a bit like a patient on an examination table right now) relationship with his wife and family, but marriage is a living breathing entity. When you suppress yourself, you are not a true participant in the relationship...you become a spectator. I for one could not handle the side-lines. It would be like I was living a dual life seperate, but definitely not equal!

Joseph's Left One said...

I'm finding that integrity comes at a cost. It hasn't been easy to stay true to myself and maintain a relationship. But so far, I'm managing to do it. I just remind my loved ones that I still love them, but I stand firm on the things that matter.

Thanks for reminding me that it's the right thing to do.