My heart starts pounding. I can feel my palms sweating, even though my hands are cold. "Am I missing a call from my daughter's school? A text from my friend? A potential job interview?" Questions race through my head. Fears escalate. Frantically, I hope beyond hope that my sister is home from work today and on her computer. I need to go to her house, I think. I need to get to a phone.
I pack the kids into the mini-van. My daughter is bewildered because she had only gone out to play not long before. "Mommy, you said I could play...! Where are we going?"
"Mommy needs to get to a phone, honey. We're going to your Aunt's house. I gotta make some calls," is the only response I am coherent enough to formulate.
I crank the music for distraction, and get carried away in Les Miserables. "There's a grief that can't be spoken. There's a pain goes on and on. Empty chairs at empty tables, where my PHONE is dead and gone...," I sing. Oh NO! I can't escape the madness. Switch songs.
"Take my hand, and lead me to salvation! Take my love, for love is everlasting. And remember the truth that once was spoken: To love another person is to see the face of god!" Whew! I make it through that song. No tears, no heartache.
Moments later we're at my sister's. I get on her phone and call my husband. He's working on the situation, and encourages me to find the dipstick who's screwing us over and kick him, HARD. I have a new task, an address, a phone number for the dipstick. I have focus. I'm on a mission. I proceed with my duties diligently. With the help of my sister's phone I actually speak with the dipstick. He's apologetic yet also makes excuses. My children are witness to sailor-speak. They wonder why their mommy has such an animalistic glaze in her eyes.
Dipstick promises payment and I settle down. The fury retreats, and I'm left with the return of the anxiety. Later in the evening I feel beaten down, broken. "I'm never gonna get my phone turned back on," I lament. The night before me seems long and unending.
Just at a moment when I actually am not looking at the phone, I hear the Arrested Development theme song play. What? Where? HUH?!? That's my phone! What's going on? I search desperately, finding my phone within the folds of my blanket. It's my husband calling me! And with that, he saves the day. The phone is back on. The anxiety from before completely washes away, that quickly. I'm at peace. "Come with me, where chains will never bind you. All your grief, at last, at last behind you..." :)