Do you blog about getting poor customer service? Before doing so, do you make sure that you have done your part to ensure a good, effective purchasing experience? Do you read the terms and conditions of usage?
The hard part about my job is the customers, hands down. As a business we do make mistakes, and sometimes the system doesn't make things work fluidly. We realize this and we do what we can to make up for it (and correct the error). But that is, by far, the minority of experiences.
People who cannot be satisfied should either do things themselves, or stick with the businesses that they are used to using. They should by no means "give it a try" if following their explicit instructions will not provide (at the least) satisfactory results.
Just so you know.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Friday, July 06, 2007
LAS VEGAS: Confidential: the back room
My nerves overpowered me again. I had no idea what to expect, aside from what I had seen in movies or tv. My friend held me by the hand and said, "You sure you wanna do this?" If there's one thing that I've been called in my life it's a daredevil, and this certainly wasn't going to change that. "Yeah I'm sure," I replied, unsure.
The first thing that I noticed was a wall with several head-shots of girls. They were autographed in stylized letters, making it seem like I was encountering celebrities in this dark, musty place. Another thing of note was a white board that said "Now on Stage:", with the name of a girl who's face you could find on the picture wall.
Overhead, the dim red lights barely lit the walkways. I felt like I was on the set of one of those movies! We wanted to view a live dancer, but the room big enough for two was taken. So we chose to go even smuttier, and went to view the Porn Arcade. There was only a curtain to shield us in our little booth. In a take-me-serious tone of voice, my friend told me, "Don't look down..." I was impressed with myself at how quickly I pieced the meaning together, and decided at once that I needed to look down. Ew. And the walls. Ew. And the sides of the television. Oh my ew. "What? You didn't believe me?" my friend laughed.
The vast choices of porn to watch was impressive. Any kind you want, they had available. Just put in a dollar and you get 5 minutes of view time. We weren't there very long when I remembered that this is not why we were there. I wanted to see a live stripper. So we squeezed ourselves out of the little booth and went to the room big enough for two. It appeared closed, but when we got closer we realized that it was open just a bit. A chair was placed in the room, and it was facing a big black rectangle. My friend showed me how to put in a dollar, then suddenly the black rectangle was gone, a window had appeared, and I was facing a stage.
It was a bright transition for my eyes. I got closer to the window and saw a white girl with straight brown hair maneuvering her way around a semi-circle stage, stopping in front of other windows like ours. The girl seemed somewhat bored and ready to be done, but I remember the twinkle in her eyes as she looked in my direction. She gave me a playful grin. It was pretty clear that she liked it when girls came to watch her. And she knew that I liked watching girls. She didn't waste time coming over to our window. My friend gave her dollars and she gave us more of a show. She bent over so we could see everything she had. She moved gracefully, and her long hair dragged on the stage as she varied her positions for us.
Behind our dancer I could see another girl come up a set of stairs, drop her purse off to the side, and our dancer left us to chat with her for a moment. This new girl was black, and she was wearing a hot pink tightly-fitted dress. She was gorgeous. Her ass was rounded and voluptuous. Her waist was tiny and she had natural but well-proportioned breasts. Almost immediately after a short session of pole-dancing, she saw me looking at her lustfully through the window. Her smiled glowed! My heart actually skipped because she was so beautiful, and she was excited to see me!
I watched as she slowly slipped her dress down around her breasts. She watched me watching her. She sat in front of our window and put her legs on either side of the window. I got the full view of this beauty, and my friend kept giving her dollars as tips. Already my mind was wondering if I could get a private showing with her. I was disappointed to learn that even if I did get a private showing, I wouldn't be able to touch her. That was part of the fun! I wanted to feel her full ass in my hand, and pull her close.
I think she became disappointed that I wasn't giving my friend a hand job right there in front of her. I was too enthralled with her to think about him by that point. But her time at our window was over, and she moved on to other fresh patrons. We left our room big enough for two reluctantly.
My pulse was still racing and I wanted more. I forgot why I had been nervous or scared. I had become a full supporter of stripping. I'll have to write about the other strip club we attended that night.
The first thing that I noticed was a wall with several head-shots of girls. They were autographed in stylized letters, making it seem like I was encountering celebrities in this dark, musty place. Another thing of note was a white board that said "Now on Stage:", with the name of a girl who's face you could find on the picture wall.
Overhead, the dim red lights barely lit the walkways. I felt like I was on the set of one of those movies! We wanted to view a live dancer, but the room big enough for two was taken. So we chose to go even smuttier, and went to view the Porn Arcade. There was only a curtain to shield us in our little booth. In a take-me-serious tone of voice, my friend told me, "Don't look down..." I was impressed with myself at how quickly I pieced the meaning together, and decided at once that I needed to look down. Ew. And the walls. Ew. And the sides of the television. Oh my ew. "What? You didn't believe me?" my friend laughed.
The vast choices of porn to watch was impressive. Any kind you want, they had available. Just put in a dollar and you get 5 minutes of view time. We weren't there very long when I remembered that this is not why we were there. I wanted to see a live stripper. So we squeezed ourselves out of the little booth and went to the room big enough for two. It appeared closed, but when we got closer we realized that it was open just a bit. A chair was placed in the room, and it was facing a big black rectangle. My friend showed me how to put in a dollar, then suddenly the black rectangle was gone, a window had appeared, and I was facing a stage.
It was a bright transition for my eyes. I got closer to the window and saw a white girl with straight brown hair maneuvering her way around a semi-circle stage, stopping in front of other windows like ours. The girl seemed somewhat bored and ready to be done, but I remember the twinkle in her eyes as she looked in my direction. She gave me a playful grin. It was pretty clear that she liked it when girls came to watch her. And she knew that I liked watching girls. She didn't waste time coming over to our window. My friend gave her dollars and she gave us more of a show. She bent over so we could see everything she had. She moved gracefully, and her long hair dragged on the stage as she varied her positions for us.
Behind our dancer I could see another girl come up a set of stairs, drop her purse off to the side, and our dancer left us to chat with her for a moment. This new girl was black, and she was wearing a hot pink tightly-fitted dress. She was gorgeous. Her ass was rounded and voluptuous. Her waist was tiny and she had natural but well-proportioned breasts. Almost immediately after a short session of pole-dancing, she saw me looking at her lustfully through the window. Her smiled glowed! My heart actually skipped because she was so beautiful, and she was excited to see me!
I watched as she slowly slipped her dress down around her breasts. She watched me watching her. She sat in front of our window and put her legs on either side of the window. I got the full view of this beauty, and my friend kept giving her dollars as tips. Already my mind was wondering if I could get a private showing with her. I was disappointed to learn that even if I did get a private showing, I wouldn't be able to touch her. That was part of the fun! I wanted to feel her full ass in my hand, and pull her close.
I think she became disappointed that I wasn't giving my friend a hand job right there in front of her. I was too enthralled with her to think about him by that point. But her time at our window was over, and she moved on to other fresh patrons. We left our room big enough for two reluctantly.
My pulse was still racing and I wanted more. I forgot why I had been nervous or scared. I had become a full supporter of stripping. I'll have to write about the other strip club we attended that night.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
LAS VEGAS: Confidential
I stepped out of the van without thought, but the second my foot hit the pavement the butterflies in my stomach screamed, "Look alive!" and they began their frenzied dance. I looked to my left, to my right, and a car whizzed passed on the street next to us. I felt my cheeks flush in an unconscious wave of shame. "What am I doing here? This is so bad," I told myself with every footstep toward the building.
The door was bright yellow against a large, square, dark building. It was propped open, and as we approached I felt like I was stepping into the Twilight Zone. I just knew I was going to be sucked into another dimension. I made a very brave step through the threshold and suddenly I realized that no, it wasn't "bad", and that I was not doing anything wrong. "I'm an adult, I have lots of experience, my kids are safe and sound, and I may as well enjoy myself," I thought. So it was at that point that I opened my eyes.
The interior was bright, like a hospital bright. No, more like a warehouse bright. Maybe a combination of the two, actually. The walls were tall, and there was sparse decor. I knew at once that this was no Blue Boutique. My first comment spoken aloud to my friend was, "They're not messing around here, are they?"
And then it hit me: for the first time I was in a REAL porn shop. There was no lingerie, no romantic sex games. I didn't see "coupon" books or stripper shoes. This, I realized, was a testosterone saturated covert for men. I, in my skimpy little skirt, was in a strange new territory.
One and a half walls, in addition to at least two rows of shelves, were dedicated to toys. I think I saw The Biggest Dildo EVER. I swear it was about two feet long and had a circumference greater than my two hands together. All I could do was stare in amazement (while imagining the pain) and spew an occasional chuckle.
There were stacks of older VHS pornos, which I guess they were trying to liquidate because they were all priced $2.00. Yes, TWO DOLLARS. Granted, they were all kind of corny and outdated, but porn is porn. If that didn't tickle my fancy then there were thousands of other titles I could choose from. It carried as many DVD's as a Blockbuster, probably. I was continually stunned at the sheer smut and blatant casualness of the whole thing. The other patrons may as well have been shopping at K-mart, for all I knew.
Next I am going to write about the Back Room. Stay tuned.
The door was bright yellow against a large, square, dark building. It was propped open, and as we approached I felt like I was stepping into the Twilight Zone. I just knew I was going to be sucked into another dimension. I made a very brave step through the threshold and suddenly I realized that no, it wasn't "bad", and that I was not doing anything wrong. "I'm an adult, I have lots of experience, my kids are safe and sound, and I may as well enjoy myself," I thought. So it was at that point that I opened my eyes.
The interior was bright, like a hospital bright. No, more like a warehouse bright. Maybe a combination of the two, actually. The walls were tall, and there was sparse decor. I knew at once that this was no Blue Boutique. My first comment spoken aloud to my friend was, "They're not messing around here, are they?"
And then it hit me: for the first time I was in a REAL porn shop. There was no lingerie, no romantic sex games. I didn't see "coupon" books or stripper shoes. This, I realized, was a testosterone saturated covert for men. I, in my skimpy little skirt, was in a strange new territory.
One and a half walls, in addition to at least two rows of shelves, were dedicated to toys. I think I saw The Biggest Dildo EVER. I swear it was about two feet long and had a circumference greater than my two hands together. All I could do was stare in amazement (while imagining the pain) and spew an occasional chuckle.
There were stacks of older VHS pornos, which I guess they were trying to liquidate because they were all priced $2.00. Yes, TWO DOLLARS. Granted, they were all kind of corny and outdated, but porn is porn. If that didn't tickle my fancy then there were thousands of other titles I could choose from. It carried as many DVD's as a Blockbuster, probably. I was continually stunned at the sheer smut and blatant casualness of the whole thing. The other patrons may as well have been shopping at K-mart, for all I knew.
Next I am going to write about the Back Room. Stay tuned.
Happy Birthday, big paper with lots of signatures on it!
Anytime a national holiday comes around, I sign up to work. Why not work a few hours and get paid crap-loads of money to do so? I still get to go to the family BBQ, and see the [illegal] fireworks tonight. I'm not missing out on anything. So I work.
Thing is, NOTHING is going on at work. We need to keep our phones open because we have international customers. I've been logged on to my computer for about 20 minutes now, and I've done everything I can do to catch up. No tasks, emails all taken care of, no voicemails, all done. So I blog.
I am enjoying the view from my window, however, and I'm seeing the sun peak over the tall mountains that border the eastern side of Utah Valley. From where I sit (we're in Lindon) I can see lush green pastures, tall weeping willows and poplars, and the sun making all the green leaves sparkle. Last week, when Squaw Peak was being burnt to a crisp, I could see the progress and fire-airplanes from my desk. Of course, my eyes are bad so I couldn't see details or anything, but still. I like my seat. :)
I think I'll write.
Thing is, NOTHING is going on at work. We need to keep our phones open because we have international customers. I've been logged on to my computer for about 20 minutes now, and I've done everything I can do to catch up. No tasks, emails all taken care of, no voicemails, all done. So I blog.
I am enjoying the view from my window, however, and I'm seeing the sun peak over the tall mountains that border the eastern side of Utah Valley. From where I sit (we're in Lindon) I can see lush green pastures, tall weeping willows and poplars, and the sun making all the green leaves sparkle. Last week, when Squaw Peak was being burnt to a crisp, I could see the progress and fire-airplanes from my desk. Of course, my eyes are bad so I couldn't see details or anything, but still. I like my seat. :)
I think I'll write.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Around and about
This past week I was in Paso Robles CA, visiting the family of my boyfriend. I had my kids with me, and despite long hours in the car and proximity sickness (aka too much time together) the trip was a resounding success.
We went to the coast and toured through Hearst Castle, a hilltop paradise built by newspaper tycoon William Randolph Hearst in the early 20th century. I have 2 favorite parts of the estate that I want to mention.
First: the Neptune Pool (outdoor). It makes me crazy with wanting to jump in the water. Behold. (I apologize for the bad lighting. I wanted to increase the brightness so my daughter could be seen better.)
The second thing is a statue in the front entry of the main house that I WANT. I loved it. We couldn't get close because there is a tile mosaic on the floor and they don't want the masses tromping upon it. Enjoy.
Anyone who may have an idea as to the name or artist of this statue would be my BFF.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Questions / thoughts for anonymous:
When was the last time I spoke about the church? Oh, wait. It was on April 04, 2007, and mostly I just said that I was raised Mormon. The post you were referring to about "I walk by faith..." was written in March of 2006. So that leads me to my next question:
How do I "speak so much about the church it's like you're obsessed"? What you are referring to, I believe, has to be taken in context. I was in the church for 28 years, and then found out that the teachings aren't true. So, yeah, I had to vent some issues and frustrations to let that part of my life go. But you were reading blogs from that time of my life. I have let it go now. I don't obsess anymore. I rarely talk about Mormons anymore.
"you know in your heart that the gospel is true and that you are not living your life the way that you should". No it's not, and yes I am. I'm living my life exactly the way I should be living it. I'm growing, I'm progressing, I'm working on my faults, I'm a decent person, I'm a mother who loves her children (and gets very frustrated with them), and I'm intent on justice and balance and living the golden rule.
"Did you ever pray to know if the chruch was true?" Countless times.
"but I do feel sad for this time in your life, you are experiencing a trial and I hope that you find your way past it, you seem like a bright and beautiful woman with a lot of love and a lot to offer". I AM experiencing trials and rough times in my life. None of them have to do with my leaving the Mormons though. Thank you for the compliment, and I am flattered you recognized that.
I did have to mourn for the Gospel because I believed it so strongly. But I have bounced back and I have new spirituality that brings me peace and joy. I have not sought another religion, nor do I intend to. I love my past and my experiences from my Mormon days, and I DO sing primary songs to my kids still. I just don't sing ones that refer to prophets or Jesus Christ.
Thanks for your comment, and I'm glad you found your way to my blog. :)
How do I "speak so much about the church it's like you're obsessed"? What you are referring to, I believe, has to be taken in context. I was in the church for 28 years, and then found out that the teachings aren't true. So, yeah, I had to vent some issues and frustrations to let that part of my life go. But you were reading blogs from that time of my life. I have let it go now. I don't obsess anymore. I rarely talk about Mormons anymore.
"you know in your heart that the gospel is true and that you are not living your life the way that you should". No it's not, and yes I am. I'm living my life exactly the way I should be living it. I'm growing, I'm progressing, I'm working on my faults, I'm a decent person, I'm a mother who loves her children (and gets very frustrated with them), and I'm intent on justice and balance and living the golden rule.
"Did you ever pray to know if the chruch was true?" Countless times.
"but I do feel sad for this time in your life, you are experiencing a trial and I hope that you find your way past it, you seem like a bright and beautiful woman with a lot of love and a lot to offer". I AM experiencing trials and rough times in my life. None of them have to do with my leaving the Mormons though. Thank you for the compliment, and I am flattered you recognized that.
I did have to mourn for the Gospel because I believed it so strongly. But I have bounced back and I have new spirituality that brings me peace and joy. I have not sought another religion, nor do I intend to. I love my past and my experiences from my Mormon days, and I DO sing primary songs to my kids still. I just don't sing ones that refer to prophets or Jesus Christ.
Thanks for your comment, and I'm glad you found your way to my blog. :)
An anonymous comment I just received on an older post:
Hi, it's Sunday morning and I'm Mormon and I stumbled upon your blog because as I was preparing for my sacrement talk and my RS lesson which I agreed to do on the same day because I was asked, I was feeling the spirit so strong that I just starting singing and the song that I started singing was "I walk by Faith, a daughter of Heavenly parents" well I couldn't remember the entire song so I typed those first few words into google and you had cited those words in your blog so it came up in my search. I read a few of your entries and I have this to say about you, first of all, you speak so much about the church it's like you're obsessed, if I had a blog I don't think that refereces to the church would find their way into every paragraph and I go to church every week, I think your obssession is because you are trying to cut your ties with the church but in fact part of you thinks back to the great experiences you had and the times that you felt the spirit and you know in your heart that the gospel is true and that you are not living your life the way that you should and part of you wants your infant to grow up surrounded by the love and the clearity and the truth of the gospel the way that you did, and you haven't gone inactive because you're just lazy because you are already searching for a new church, you're searching when you already know the truth. Did you ever pray to know if the chruch was true? Have you received your testimony? If not, don't you think that you owe it to yourself and your family to do so? Reading your blog did not completely take away the feelings of the spirit that I was experiencing when I was singing hymns and coming to look up the lyrics, but I do feel sad for this time in your life, you are experiencing a trial and I hope that you find your way past it, you seem like a bright and beautiful woman with a lot of love and a lot to offer, I probably have had an easier life than you so I'm not judging, I'm just saying that it sounds to me like you are mourning for the gospel, like you need it, like you feel a void, so just come back, if you don't like the structure of the church and can't handle that right now, at least do some personal worship and searching, read the scriptures and pray, invite the spirit into your heart and your life, sing your favorite primary songs to your child, share the spirit with your child. You are a daughter of God and he loves you, good luck with your journey.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
I should be watching The Office, but instead...
I'm so jealous that Sideon and SML got to meet!! Seriously, I'm festering. There are few people on the planet who can bring out the boiling passion in me like Sideon can. :)
Guys, I'm sick of my life. I'm sick at the fact that some friendships are gone and I don't blog anymore. I'm sick that I never feel like seeing anyone because I'm positive that either they will judge me or they will be weird because of drastic changes in my life.
What can I do?
Guys, I'm sick of my life. I'm sick at the fact that some friendships are gone and I don't blog anymore. I'm sick that I never feel like seeing anyone because I'm positive that either they will judge me or they will be weird because of drastic changes in my life.
What can I do?
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Tah, tah, tah Tuesday
It seems lately that I've heard about many marijuana busts in our lovely Deseret. What's lame is that they release the footage to the media (or invite the media to come along), and make a big show of it. Meanwhile, meth is almost as big of an "industry" here, and we rarely learn about meth busts. I don't know if I've ever spoken out in favor of pot-smoking, but I certainly think pot is significantly less dangerous to society and safety than meth is.
K that's my rant for today. Today was kind of crappy at work. It makes me wonder why Tuesday is the day for crap. I mean, is everyone just so pissed off after Monday? I don't get it. It was actually a good day for me, but everyone I talked with seemed to be having troubles.
Dang, there was another rant. Positive, think positive. Two (2) songs that make me happy:
Daft Punk "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger"
Cake "When You Sleep"
Resulted happiness results in a tickling of the children. Good times!
K that's my rant for today. Today was kind of crappy at work. It makes me wonder why Tuesday is the day for crap. I mean, is everyone just so pissed off after Monday? I don't get it. It was actually a good day for me, but everyone I talked with seemed to be having troubles.
Dang, there was another rant. Positive, think positive. Two (2) songs that make me happy:
Daft Punk "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger"
Cake "When You Sleep"
Resulted happiness results in a tickling of the children. Good times!
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Cold and empty
I browsed some blogs today for the first time in weeks. WEEKS! I used to be on my blog for at least half my day, reading, posting, being altogether obsessed. What happened?? During this time, one of the hardest of my life, I chose to isolate myself from all things familiar. Blog, friends, family, you name it. The only problem is, I miss it all. I miss my life.
Six months ago, I left my husband (thanks to Christy for being brave and reminding me that there's not really a need to be "hush-hush") . We haven't finalized our divorce yet, but we're slowly getting there. Mostly, we just have busy lives and haven't set time aside to arrange all the details.
I went from being a full-time stay-at-home mom to working 2 part time jobs and still trying to juggle the kids' lives with mine. I live in my mom's basement, and my social life has plummeted. Last year was all about parties, concerts, hanging out, being with friends. But right now I have a very very small circle of people I regularly talk with. Actually, all but my ex-husband are relatively new in my life.
You know, I'm sure people have their opinions about me. I have made huge mistakes, most of which cause me deep anguish. I am pretty sure I'll never have certain relationships back. And yet, despite the loss, I'm frustrated that no matter how penitent I feel there's nothing I can do to repair what's broken. I'm not perfect, and I'm not the only one who makes mistakes. The best I can offer is growth and understanding and empathy. If it's not enough, well, I guess I need to accept that.
Right now I want to take the bubbly pink template down from my blog and replace it with black. Some days are just really hard, and this is one of those days.
"I told myself I won't miss you, but I remember what it feels like beside you..." -Hinder, Better Than Me
Six months ago, I left my husband (thanks to Christy for being brave and reminding me that there's not really a need to be "hush-hush") . We haven't finalized our divorce yet, but we're slowly getting there. Mostly, we just have busy lives and haven't set time aside to arrange all the details.
I went from being a full-time stay-at-home mom to working 2 part time jobs and still trying to juggle the kids' lives with mine. I live in my mom's basement, and my social life has plummeted. Last year was all about parties, concerts, hanging out, being with friends. But right now I have a very very small circle of people I regularly talk with. Actually, all but my ex-husband are relatively new in my life.
You know, I'm sure people have their opinions about me. I have made huge mistakes, most of which cause me deep anguish. I am pretty sure I'll never have certain relationships back. And yet, despite the loss, I'm frustrated that no matter how penitent I feel there's nothing I can do to repair what's broken. I'm not perfect, and I'm not the only one who makes mistakes. The best I can offer is growth and understanding and empathy. If it's not enough, well, I guess I need to accept that.
Right now I want to take the bubbly pink template down from my blog and replace it with black. Some days are just really hard, and this is one of those days.
"I told myself I won't miss you, but I remember what it feels like beside you..." -Hinder, Better Than Me
Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
We'll do it all,
Everything,
On our own.
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone.
If I lay here,
If I just lay here,
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel.
Those three words
are said too much;
they're not enough.
If I lay here,
If I just lay here,
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old.
Show me a garden that's bursting into life.
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads.
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own.
If I lay here,
If I just lay here,
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old.
Show me a garden that's bursting into life.
All that I am,
All that I ever was,
Is here in your perfect eyes;
They're all I can see.
I don't know where;
Confused about how, as well.
Just know that these things
Will never change for us at all.
If I lay here,
If I just lay here,
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Friday, April 06, 2007
Ramble, ramble...
I just have a few minutes until I have to go into work. My other work. That's right, I'm now the proud owner of two (2) part-time jobs. The scheduling with who's watching my son has been a beast, but so far it's worked out fairly well.
I have a cat named Boo and he's freakin awesome. He's big and strong, but he's a lover boy. He's certainly mellowed out in this past year, but he still eats food off the counter (which is why the bread is now stored in the cabinet). Just a minute ago he was sitting on the table staring out the window. Why does a cat stare so intently? And why don't his eyes dry out, thereby requiring a blink? All valid questions.
I have a cat named Boo and he's freakin awesome. He's big and strong, but he's a lover boy. He's certainly mellowed out in this past year, but he still eats food off the counter (which is why the bread is now stored in the cabinet). Just a minute ago he was sitting on the table staring out the window. Why does a cat stare so intently? And why don't his eyes dry out, thereby requiring a blink? All valid questions.
Cats are pretty cool. They're like a total mystery. And they just don't give a shit about anyone.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
"She will be loved" -Maroon 5
All these phrases keep flashing in my head these days. Take the title of my blog post, for instance, which is the name of a song . Another one:
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love, and be loved in return." -Moulin Rouge
or
"You have to figure out what really, truly makes you happy and chase it......Chase it your whole life." -my friend Laura
I have a lot of growing yet to do in life. This past year has been one of HUGE changes and experiences which I never expected. I'm still trying to discover who I am. Will I ever get there? Does anyone ever know who they are? Who am I? Well, let's see what I think, and what I've learned.
* First, I'm the youngest of six children, and I was raised as a Mormon.
* I enjoyed school and was pretty smart, but decided to slack in high school.
* I love to laugh.
* I am often stubborn.
* I like to watch and play sports, but I'm not very active in general.
* I had way too many sexual experiences, way too young in life. Because of this, I've recently discovered that sex is sort of a control thing for me. I have come to realize that it's possible for me to reliquish control, but when I do I feel very vulnerable.
* I hate to feel vulnerable, but that doesn't mean I won't let myself do it.
* I am capable of hurting someone deliberately
* I don't hold on to things. I like to confront things head on, and when I get resolution, it's gone. Vanished. I let things go. I don't hold grudges. It's not very often that I internalize things.
* I believe that we're all intertwined as human beings. I believe in energy, positive and negative. And with that, I believe in some form of karma.
* My greatest desire in life is to be with someone I'm crazy about, and have them be crazy about me at the same time. It always has been my greatest desire.
I'm sure I know other things about myself, but I can't think of any more right now. I'm trying to find reasons for my behavior, reasons for my reactions, in an effort to correct things that don't bring me happiness. Either correct them, or learn to accept them.
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love, and be loved in return." -Moulin Rouge
or
"You have to figure out what really, truly makes you happy and chase it......Chase it your whole life." -my friend Laura
I have a lot of growing yet to do in life. This past year has been one of HUGE changes and experiences which I never expected. I'm still trying to discover who I am. Will I ever get there? Does anyone ever know who they are? Who am I? Well, let's see what I think, and what I've learned.
* First, I'm the youngest of six children, and I was raised as a Mormon.
* I enjoyed school and was pretty smart, but decided to slack in high school.
* I love to laugh.
* I am often stubborn.
* I like to watch and play sports, but I'm not very active in general.
* I had way too many sexual experiences, way too young in life. Because of this, I've recently discovered that sex is sort of a control thing for me. I have come to realize that it's possible for me to reliquish control, but when I do I feel very vulnerable.
* I hate to feel vulnerable, but that doesn't mean I won't let myself do it.
* I am capable of hurting someone deliberately
* I don't hold on to things. I like to confront things head on, and when I get resolution, it's gone. Vanished. I let things go. I don't hold grudges. It's not very often that I internalize things.
* I believe that we're all intertwined as human beings. I believe in energy, positive and negative. And with that, I believe in some form of karma.
* My greatest desire in life is to be with someone I'm crazy about, and have them be crazy about me at the same time. It always has been my greatest desire.
I'm sure I know other things about myself, but I can't think of any more right now. I'm trying to find reasons for my behavior, reasons for my reactions, in an effort to correct things that don't bring me happiness. Either correct them, or learn to accept them.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
La: revealed
I have two major issues with my children, neither of which do I handle well. The first is that my 7 year old daughter never says "Okay". She puts up a fight on anything and everything. She expects fun activities and toys, etc., but I cannot engrain the idea of Earning into her.
Where do kids get this sense of entitlement?
The other issue is with my 2 year old son who has The Loudest Scream Ever. And boy, does he use it. One scream and my ear drums are piercing, seering in pain. Most of the time I ignore it, so that he doesn't start thinking he can do it to sway me. But seriously, ouch.
He and I have started working on talking through his problems, instead of screaming. It has actually gotten a little bit better. But there are days that he just wants to let it all out. It's those days that have me so ashamed of myself I can hardly stand it. I lose my patience; I am unable to deal with him.
So now it's out. My deepest darkest secret, which I never admit to openly. I suck as a mother, and my kids are getting screwed up because of me.
Where do kids get this sense of entitlement?
The other issue is with my 2 year old son who has The Loudest Scream Ever. And boy, does he use it. One scream and my ear drums are piercing, seering in pain. Most of the time I ignore it, so that he doesn't start thinking he can do it to sway me. But seriously, ouch.
He and I have started working on talking through his problems, instead of screaming. It has actually gotten a little bit better. But there are days that he just wants to let it all out. It's those days that have me so ashamed of myself I can hardly stand it. I lose my patience; I am unable to deal with him.
So now it's out. My deepest darkest secret, which I never admit to openly. I suck as a mother, and my kids are getting screwed up because of me.
Friday, March 16, 2007
It wasn't eavesdropping!
I was eating lunch at Costco today, and next to me was a woman with two men having a conversation. I could hear her describing what I think is a local charter school to the men. She said:
"It emphacizes Christianity and government. Daily we read out of the Book of Mormon and have prayer."
Oh, to live in Utah Valley! My lunch companion then said, "Yeah [a mutual friend] found it hard when he was interviewing for jobs because it's all fine to be non-mormon, but to be EX-mormon? Well that's just not a good thing. He wondered if he should pretend he was never a member and act like he doesn't know what they're talking about."
I wonder if the people next to us heard that.
"It emphacizes Christianity and government. Daily we read out of the Book of Mormon and have prayer."
Oh, to live in Utah Valley! My lunch companion then said, "Yeah [a mutual friend] found it hard when he was interviewing for jobs because it's all fine to be non-mormon, but to be EX-mormon? Well that's just not a good thing. He wondered if he should pretend he was never a member and act like he doesn't know what they're talking about."
I wonder if the people next to us heard that.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Like, totally, dude!!
When amidst divorce, one needs to address the CACA.
Custody
Alimony
Child support
Assets
Happy Pi Day, everybody!! :)
Custody
Alimony
Child support
Assets
Happy Pi Day, everybody!! :)
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Kindergarten didn't teach me everything I needed to know
*Buying bras at anywhere besides Lane Bryant is a waste of time and money. (LB's bras are the best for my shape and size, and they are what turned my self-esteem around. Seriously. I had always wanted a breast reduction until the fateful day when I put on a Cacique bra from LB. They have changed me.)
*Don't mix your liquors.
*Don't drink on an empty stomach, or a full one (in my case)
*An extra 50% off of an already reduced 75% clearance is a fabulous sale. Makes for cheap-ass shopping. (NOT cheap ass shopping. I've never shopped for ass, clearanced or otherwise.)
*Some laws just don't make sense.
*Parents are people too.
*Sex really is a motivational factor for most males.
*Just because you can have a baby, doesn't necessarily mean you should.
*Maintenance is the key, baby. Cars, house cleaning, hair and body, you name it.
What other things does simply living life teach us?
*Don't mix your liquors.
*Don't drink on an empty stomach, or a full one (in my case)
*An extra 50% off of an already reduced 75% clearance is a fabulous sale. Makes for cheap-ass shopping. (NOT cheap ass shopping. I've never shopped for ass, clearanced or otherwise.)
*Some laws just don't make sense.
*Parents are people too.
*Sex really is a motivational factor for most males.
*Just because you can have a baby, doesn't necessarily mean you should.
*Maintenance is the key, baby. Cars, house cleaning, hair and body, you name it.
What other things does simply living life teach us?
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
I am ALL enlisted 'til the conflict is o'er
Some weeks just suck. Some weeks you just have to put on a happy face, or grit your teeth, and pretend your life is normal. That's hard to do when you wouldn't recognize "normal" if it hit you in the face.
There is so many reasons to be down lately that I really really think I need to sit here and force myself to come up with some good things. So, let's see...
The weather is great today. Or, it was great this morning.
I got my van cleaned yesterday. For two bucks it's looking pretty sparkley.
Heroes is getting better and better. I have to rewind each second to think things through and tie pieces together. If anyone in the room is making noise I freak out. Each little second seems vital. It's good.
Work is a place of safety and escape for me. I like it there.
My sister rekindled a friendship that she had 20 years ago in high school. I'm very excited for her.
Rebecca is coming to Utah to visit. Why isn't she here, this second, in my room with me??? That's what I'd like to know. By the way, Becca, I want to monopolize as much of your time as I possibly can. (Just so you can be prepared for that.)
Okay so there are a few good things going on with me. Also, snotty noses and dirty diapers and complete oblivion aside, my kids have been more fun lately. Right now I guess I'm in a coping phase. Just live each day, don't hurt yourself or anyone else, and endure to the end. Or endure to the next phase, I should say. I feel like I'm Mormon again.
There is so many reasons to be down lately that I really really think I need to sit here and force myself to come up with some good things. So, let's see...
The weather is great today. Or, it was great this morning.
I got my van cleaned yesterday. For two bucks it's looking pretty sparkley.
Heroes is getting better and better. I have to rewind each second to think things through and tie pieces together. If anyone in the room is making noise I freak out. Each little second seems vital. It's good.
Work is a place of safety and escape for me. I like it there.
My sister rekindled a friendship that she had 20 years ago in high school. I'm very excited for her.
Rebecca is coming to Utah to visit. Why isn't she here, this second, in my room with me??? That's what I'd like to know. By the way, Becca, I want to monopolize as much of your time as I possibly can. (Just so you can be prepared for that.)
Okay so there are a few good things going on with me. Also, snotty noses and dirty diapers and complete oblivion aside, my kids have been more fun lately. Right now I guess I'm in a coping phase. Just live each day, don't hurt yourself or anyone else, and endure to the end. Or endure to the next phase, I should say. I feel like I'm Mormon again.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
The point isn't that I watch MTV during the day.
"Aw...what the heck? I'm not doing anything, nothing is on, it's no big deal," I said to myself as I slowly released the recall button I had almost pushed. I set the remote down next to me, and settled guilt-free into my sin as MTV played out on the TV before me.
The show was Underage and Engaged, which I'd never heard of before. Two episodes later, I could feel the guilt creeping in. But the third episode was starting, and in the first minute the engaged couple had said they were each 19, and they were both Mormon. My ears piqued in interest. I had to watch this episode.
The episode was about how the girl had always dreamed of her temple marriage since she was a little girl. Her boyfriend had converted to the church after they had started dating (oh, how that sounds familiar), and he was the only one in his family who was LDS.
My heart broke as I heard his mother in tears talk about how she wouldn't get to see the wedding of her only son. How this young bride wanted her new in-laws there at the temple for pictures afterwards, and his mom said, "They want me here for pictures, but they'll already be married. And I'm just supposed to smile for the camera."
I hope that one day this young girl can see how her unrealistic ideal of how her wedding ought to be was selfish and unnecessary. It was tragic, I tell you.
The show was Underage and Engaged, which I'd never heard of before. Two episodes later, I could feel the guilt creeping in. But the third episode was starting, and in the first minute the engaged couple had said they were each 19, and they were both Mormon. My ears piqued in interest. I had to watch this episode.
The episode was about how the girl had always dreamed of her temple marriage since she was a little girl. Her boyfriend had converted to the church after they had started dating (oh, how that sounds familiar), and he was the only one in his family who was LDS.
My heart broke as I heard his mother in tears talk about how she wouldn't get to see the wedding of her only son. How this young bride wanted her new in-laws there at the temple for pictures afterwards, and his mom said, "They want me here for pictures, but they'll already be married. And I'm just supposed to smile for the camera."
I hope that one day this young girl can see how her unrealistic ideal of how her wedding ought to be was selfish and unnecessary. It was tragic, I tell you.
Monday, February 26, 2007
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