Growing Up

I live in the same town I grew up in. I've been in 4 different houses since my childhood home, but it still is the home I dream about. It has been painted white, a garage has been added, the almond tree is gone, and a plum tree is now there. But it's still my house.

I just drove past it while out running errands. I drive by it fairly frequently, because it's sort of central. I usually just feel bitterness that it's so different looking now. Today it was the feeling that was different.

I remembered running home from my friends' houses, hurdling my next-door neighbor's rose bush EVERY time. I remembered hiding behind a weeping willow that was on the front right corner of the house. I remembered using the hose like a "canyon" or "river", and doing long jumps across it, each time moving it wider and wider. I remember doing plays on my front lawn with my friends while my dad patiently (and endearingly) watched us.

Did I have any idea , as a young child, of the woman I would become? Is that little girl still inside me or have I suppressed her enough that she's faded completely? I think that if I were able to meet my child self, I think she'd like me. I think she'd say I'm pretty cool. And she would say that I'm beautiful, even though my grown up self doesn't often think so.

It was a good having a different feeling this time.