Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Learning and Discovery

Ok, I've gotten over how lame my last week was. Now I'm here, ready to start anew!

My six year old daughter learned how to ride her bike yesterday. For about a year and a half now, we've been trying to get her on the bike and riding. She fell a couple of times, so she'd fight us tooth and nail every time we suggested getting back on.

Yesterday I looked out the window, and there she was, riding! She didn't need me screaming at her, or my husband getting frustrated. She just did it! That reminded me of when I learned to ride my bike. It was much the same way. One day I just really wanted to, so I did. I'm so excited for her and this big accomplishment she's made!

So here I am, an adult, a spouse, a mother, and I'm having to learn the same lessons as my 6 year old. I am having to make decisions for myself, without any outside influence prodding me. It's really scary because I'm stumbling and falling, and it feels like I'll never get the right balance in life. Sometimes I coast for a bit, and it gives me a glimpse into what is possible. I get a rush of sensation, of emotion, of life! But then it goes away because I leaned too much to one side.

As I watched my daughter yesterday, beaming with pride, I realized how lucky I am that I am alive and able to go through my struggles. I hate to use the mormon expression of trials make us stronger, but it seems to be playing out that way.

I think I'm seeking balance, and I know that I'm the only one who can make the ultimate decision to go for it. And now, as I learned from my daughter, I know it will come!!!

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