Sunday, June 18, 2006

Repentence

I remember being SO grateful for repentence. It was the key for me to return to my Heavenly Father. It was a tool, a blessing.

Here's a tidbit of info I don't share all that often, but it holds no power over me now so I feel free to share. I lost my virginity when I was 12 years old (Hind sight shows clearly that it was rape, but I didn't know it then). I had so much guilt about that. I always felt just a little bit dirty when doing baptisms for the dead or having chastity lessons. I held onto that guilt for the first six teenage years. Count 'em, SIX. As if adolescence isn't jacked up enough! Finally when I was 18, I felt I could openly discuss this with my then bishop, Dale Murphy, who was really easy to talk to. Plus, I felt I understood the reason for repentence more at that time. I felt I understood that Christ was my mediator, who made up the difference for my shortcomings.

BAH!...

Repentence is SUCH a tool of control. How many times was repentence preached in the last conference? Anyone? Even having born my soul to my ex-pro-baseball player bishop, I still felt bad about having had sex so early. It took a good 6 more years for me to reliquish my guilt about the whole thing. It was abuse, hands down. I was 12, 'nuff said.

I was just reading about how men and women need to repent of things like oral sex in a marriage. WHATEVER. How much more deeply can this church try and snake their way into the nooks of people's lives? Give me a break!!!

3 comments:

DFB said...

Lizzie made me delete what I wrote before so now I'm writing this.

Joseph's Left One said...

The word is "control." Glad you're free of it.

Bull said...

Call it repentance, call it personal improvement, or whatever you will. But we are no more than animals if we don't recognize our flaws and try to improve.

The problem is an authoritarian organization that hijacks this legitimate need to control its members and make them feel guilty about unnecessary or trivial things.

12? I was 22 and newly married and still have only had sex with my wife.