So I Was at the Doctor's Office Recently...

...and was waiting patiently for my turn. Remember how I was bleeding irregularly for like 3+ weeks? Well yeah, I was getting that little issue checked out. Gynecologists are not my favorite people to visit, but they do serve their purpose. So I was being patient. (And I was being a patient. Why is that cracking me up so much?!? I'm a dork.)

Ok, so on with the story. I live in Utah Valley. The ratio of Mormons to non-Mormons is even higher here than in SLC, where the headquarters of the LDS church is. The Mormon sludge is so thick here you can feel it settle into your lungs, right next to the inversion crap. Here you find stores that sell knee-shorts, missionary memorabilia, scrapbooking paraphernalia, and food storage/emergency "essentials". Knowing these things, you'd think that nothing much would surprise me.

Oh yeah, on with the story. So I'm sitting there in the office, and on the wall is a magazine rack. Here is a picture, for I didn't want to leave it up to my insufficient words to explain. Direct your attention specifically to the top shelf, and see if you can guess which one of these things just doesn't belong, in my opinion (in a doctor's office).

A Few Thoughts About Nablopomo

I set myself a goal, and I made a commitment to fulfill it. I've missed several days of blog posting, however, so this goal of A Post Per Day was not met.

"You'll find that the more you break the promises you make to yourself, the easier it gets."

At first I didn't meet my commitment by accident. This has been a stress-filled month, and I couldn't think of anything to say, short of laying my whole personal life out for the world to witness. I just can't do that, you see. I thought about blog posting every day. Having pictures to post saved my butt for a while, but even that got old.

But then, since I had missed a couple of days here and there, the importance of my goal diminished. I found solace during this difficult time in my music, in a friend, and in being alone without my computer. I put a separation between me and my virtual reality. Coming back now, I admit that I feel a little guilty for alienating my friends (blogging and beyond) and ignoring them. I know that's not justified, but it's there.

Now today it's the last day of November. I still have posted more this month than any month prior (I believe, but am to lazy to verify for certain). I'm happy with the things I've been able to say, and when I look back upon what I've published, I will be reminded of how I got through the hardest month of my life. So I'm satisfied. It does get easier to break promises to myself, the more I do it.

It's been fun for me to see how others have coped with the sheer monotony of posting every day. I'm so thrilled for those of you who made it through, who persevered. You deserve any [eh] prize or satisfaction you get!! Great job!!

So here's to the end of the Nablopomo era, at least for 2006. I'm nearing my year-of-blogging mark, so soon I will go back and read my archives and decide what progress towards discovering myself I've made. I know that I know myself better. I know that I like who I am, even though sometimes I don't like the things I do. All in all, blogging has been a great blessing for me. :)

Alex Took This...

These were taken a few weeks ago at Liberty Park in SL. Dave and Alex stopped off to feed the seagulls. I wish it were that nice today, but instead we're getting quite a snow storm, and my hands are freezing cold. :)

Best Birthday Ever

I mean, EVER. The party we had on Saturday for Thunderchops and me was a blast. I have some pretty great friends, I must say.

Last night I had the opportunity to go to a Utah Jazz game, and thanks to my terrific family who filled in and watched my kids, it worked out that I was able to go. We sat in the 4th row, right behind Larry Miller. We got dinner and half-time snacks in the VIP room, and we got free beer. I hadn't had heffeweisen on tap for a while, and it was tasty!

Here's a pic right before the tip off. Yes, that's Carlos Boozer right there, doing Mehmet Okur from behind. And that referee was particularly cute! :)

It was an amazing evening, and lots of fun!! The Jazz lost pretty pathetically to the Orlando Magic, but really, who cares? Besides, I'm pretty sure I saw Grant Hill look over and check me out. So I wasn't really paying attention to the game... :)

All these fun things I've been able to do already, and my birthday is today. Yeah I'm 29 years old today. It's the last year of my twenties...

*Sigh* I Can Breath for a Second!

Wow! It's been a long, long time since I sat down at my computer and had a free minute or two to blog. I usually spend a good chunk of my day with my computer, so these past few days have been hectic and strange for me.

I have had 3 shifts at my new job (for BR: it's the Fraternal Order of Eagles in PG), one bartending and two cocktail waitressing. I have enjoyed each shift in its own way, and I really love having cash from tips. I forgot how nice it is to pay for things with cash, instead of my debit card!!

It's been a lot of fun trying to get along with the old hick regulars that like to give me a hard time. Fortunately I can dish it as well as I can take it. I'm fitting in quite nicely, I think. They keep wanting me to pledge and become a member. It's a really good deal for women: a $15 initiation fee then $17 per year thereafter. Their drinks are cheaper than any other place I've seen in this valley. They have a really poor selection of beer, but they can make the most common mixed drinks.

So I'm thinking about doing it.

My birthday is coming up next week so I'm throwing myself a birthday party tonight. I'd invite ALL y'all, I really would. But I know that you wouldn't make the interstate travel to get here before 8 pm. So oh well. :)

Well I'm going to do some laundry and read some blogs, for the first time in a week. I hope all is well with my peeps. Happy Saturday!!

Phone Blogging

So I'm totally stuffed, but here I am, making Chex Party Mix at ten pm. We had a good dinner at my mom's house, with the usual perversion and offense at it's typical levels. Today on this day of giving thanks, I am grateful for the many people who I have had the opportunity to get to know this past year. They have all had a part--to some degree--in helping me discover who I am, for better or for worse. It has been a great year.

Wednesday Blog??

Did I miss it? I think I might have. Oh well. I started my new job. LOVE it. :)

Dave Took This...

Another bird:
"Okay, so I have a bunch of pictures of the AFA - UofU game last Saturday night in Colorado Springs, but I don't suppose anybody cares that much, although it was another GREAT game, culminating in a last-minute field goal by the Utes for the win. So for this week, I'm sending a picture of the Air Force Academy mascot, the falcon that flies around the stadium. This picture is up close and personal thanks to my most excellent vantage point FROM THE SIDELINES!! I thought it was cool because for most people who follow Mountain West Conference football, the falcon is just something that somebody on the radio tells you is happening. Even on T.V., its none too dumb. Anyway, here she is, with her AFA hat and everything. I don't know, maybe not that cool, but I was impressed."

Monday music

Mr. Brightside by The Killers

Comin out of my cage and I've been doing just fine.
Gotta, gotta be down because I want it all.
It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss, it was only kiss!

Now I'm falling asleep and she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke and she's taking drag.
Now they're going to bed and my stomach is sick.
And it's all in my head but she's touching his...

...chest
Now he takes off her dress
Now let me go
I just can't look it's killing me
And taking control

Jealousy
Turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
Cause I'm Mr. Brightside.

To the one Male who has ruined me...

I am, of course, speaking of my son. To my son on your second birthday:

You're a booger. A gigantic one. May one day the terror you have inflicted on us thus far be returned upon you at least five-fold. Possibly ten.

May your children be hyperactive. May you groan as your parents buy your children obnoxiously noisy toys which your children will love to sound over and over again. May their heads find every surface to knock against, to the point where you mostly don't worry about head wounds.

May they have the most mischievous eyes EVER. May they grin at you and your heart melts and you can't help but scoop them in your arms. May they be able to get away with murder.

I love you, boy.

Love,

Mommy

Posting to post.

Tonight is a night for chillin'. I'm hanging with Thunderchops and his wife Tiff. We are chemically altered and eating dee-licious tacos!! Chops has a figurine of a Sand Person and a Jawa on his computer moniter. He's got all my favorite DVD's and thensome. He's pretty much perfect. :)

Okay what are y'all doin' on this fine Saturday evening??

I Always Wanted to be a Hooters Girl...

I have an interview scheduled this evening at a bar. Yep, a bar. I'm gonna be a cocktail waitress at a local hick watering hole.

Have you ever heard of the Fraternal Order of Eagles? I don't know anything about it, and don't care enough to google it, but that's where this job would be at. The local chapter (?) is in Pleasant Grove, so that would be convenient. I don't know what could be more fun than serving drinks to old guys. What's funny is I'm actually serious. And I think I'd prefer this kind of setting, where you get to know the regulars, than a setting like Applebee's or TGIFriday's. I like talking, I like booze, I like being a tease. I'm perfect for the job! :)

I'll post again later and let you know how my interview with "Goldie" went. I wonder if they have karaoke there?

**Update**

Well, the interview was more of a "When can you start?". So yeah! I train this Tuesday, then they may need me to come in on Wednesday evening, but my first official day is next Friday. It's going to be so fun!!! I'd love to have folks "drop in", but you have to be a member. A patron? An initiate? Who the heck knows.

Dotted Lines Confuse Me

Remember that one time, when I ran over my phone with my car? Remember how I mourned the loss? I finally replaced that lovely little LG. The last phone was a girl. She had rainbow lights that made me happy. This new phone is a boy. He's badass.

Blogging. Fits. Period.

I think it's funny that SML has written a couple of blogs about her period. I haven't ever done that before, and since it's behaving freakishly right now, there's never been a better reason! :)

It's coming up on three weeks now that my period has been my constant companion. And remember: it started two weeks early in the first place. Normally I'm like clockwork with my 28 day cycle. Granted I've been a little stressed out recently, but this is getting ridiculous!

The thing about it is that to fix it I'll have to go on birth control pills. I can't just NOT do anything, or else I'll develop anemia, which my mom had when she was younger. But pills?!? Argh.

I'm not very good at taking daily doses of anything. I think I'll look into like a once-a-month birth control shot or something. Last year my doctor decided that I had mild depression, and put me on Effexor as a remedy. I was actually a little excited to try it, to be honest. I had to take my pill every day, and I was warned that I wouldn't feel much difference for as long as six weeks. I lasted on that drug for about 8 weeks. When it kicked in, I wouldn't get out of bed. I could sleep all day long. So yeah, I decided I could probably get myself out of the depression more easily.

This year I've lost some weight--about 20 pounds total. I would presume that has something to do with my jacked up hormones, except I lost it in a very healthy way. I basically cut sugar from sodas, and switched to skim milk and some other non-fat products. So I am not convinced that's the reason why my body is f-ing with me.

I have a doctor's appointment set for next week. Hopefully she'll tell me that I'm A-OK, and we'll have a good laugh at the mystery of hormones. But likely, I'll be put on "the pill" and have to mess with them some more in order to find balance. *sigh*

Dave('s Camera) Took This...

This picture was taken by Dave's camera. Dave was in Minnesota over the weekend to see the Vikings get stomped by the Packers. He had the opportunity to stop by the local Fox station to give his opinion of the game. HAHAHA! DAVE! This made me laugh for the first time in 2 days. Oh, Dave. Who? Dave.

Reason

(prompted by Weekly Anamnesis #48)

She ran down the hallway, stumbling left, stumbling right. Both hands caught her against the wall as quiet tears spilt freely from her eyes. It was dark and she had only the feel of the smooth walls to base any sense of direction. At last she found a golden outline of a door frame. The light was dim but she could see a small dark rectangle at about the height of her head on the door. She got closer, tracing it with her fingers. She made out the letters H-A-P-P-I-N-E-S-S in block print on the rectangle.

Desperation swept over her. She fumbled for a doorknob, and found it, cool and smooth along the left-hand side of the door. In a flash, she envisioned the ease with which the door knob turned under her pressure. She could see herself slowly pulling the door towards her, and peeking around it to see the source of the golden illumination. Her heart warmed as she pictured her release, her escape.

But the knob didn't budge. She tried again. The damn thing didn't even jiggle when she shook it. It was locked. The golden frame was taunting as intense realization hit her. With both fists she pounded on that door. She screamed and yelled and sobbed, pleading for the knob to turn. It would not. She was still trapped. Her perceived happiness would continue to elude her.

She fell backwards against the opposite wall and sat there staring at the door. There was no legitimate reason for her to continue to try, but all she wanted to do was sit there. She didn't want to leave the door, just to forge deeper into the dark hallway without hope. And so she sat. "Maybe someday," she told herself, "maybe someday the door will open for me."

Broken

If I Didn't Know Any Better by Alison Krauss

I turned around
Before I could run
I found you already settled down
In the back of my mind

I know this is just a customary fever
The moon is our deceiver
That will leave you running blind

Your heart is pullin'
If I didn't know any better
I'd be fallin' deeper and deeper it's true
I'd hear it callin'
If I didn't know any better
And I'd be in love with you

Didn't want to
Look in the eyes
Of the one that I would be drawn to
I'm a moth lost in a fire

And I know this
Is just a beautiful illusion,
A case of the confusion
Between love and desire.

Your heart is pullin'
If I didn't know any better
I'd be fallin'
Deeper and deeper it's true
I'd hear it callin'
If I didn't know any better

And I'd be in love
When the flame burns out
And finally settles down
And you forget
I ever came around

Your heart is pullin'
If I didn't know any better
I'd be fallin'
Deeper and deeper it's true
I'd hear it callin'
If didn't know any better
And I'd be in love with you

I turned around
Before I could run
I found you already settled down
In the back of my mind.

Waiting for dinner

So tonight I'm making pork chops, fried potatoes with italian seasoning, and some veggies. Nothing fancy, but it just sounds so good to me.

I'm not much of a cook. I can throw together things if I have to, and lately I've had more confidence at just experimenting with stuff. But still, cooking is something I'd rather to with someone else. There's something magical about putting a meal together and sharing delicious food with another person.

Baking is not the same way for me, however. When baking, I like to do it all alone. I am more organized, more efficient, and I find it cathartic to just live in my brain while measuring out ingredients. Some people like to bake with their children. This just drives me up a wall! I'm sure it's because I have some obsessive compulsive tendancies which result in anxiety as things aren't measured out exactly according to the recipe.

Time to check on the food!! :) I hope it turns out as yummy as I think it ought to!

Another Rendering

Okay here's the latest drawing, at JOOM's request! Thanks, by the way, for motivating me! :)

A Better Place

There is little in this world that's cheesier than Rogers & Hammerstein lyrics. Well, Chicago lyrics are pretty cheesy too. But I was reminded of a song today and it spoke to my heart. And so I give you:

You'll Never Walk Alone from Carousel

When you walk through a storm
Keep your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark.

At he end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark.

Walk on through the wind,
Walk on through the rain,
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown.
Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone,
You'll never walk alone.

I think I should be a Buddhist

There are a few goals in life that I've set for myself which I'm striving to achieve. Three really big ones are:

Going with the flow
Act, don't react
Letting my inner passions shine through

If you think about it, the three of those can very well contradict each other. Passionate people tend to be reactors, who tend to not go with the flow. But no matter what, those are things that I am wanting for myself.

I have hurt a lot of people recently, and I can't explain why. I wrestle with my lack of guilt. I ponder the role of the church in my life. My head is a constant battleground of ethics and morals.

Here's the thing I know: eventually life will level out. Eventually I will find my peace. As my friend told me yesterday, things happen for a reason, and it's hard to understand what that might be when we're in the middle of it.

Thanks to all you blogger friends who show love and caring. And to those of you who don't (i.e. Montgomery Q), well, you can just suck it. :)

By the Skin of my Teeth...

I don't have anything to say. Stupid blog-every-day. Sorry to be boring. My personal life is completely upturned right now.

Love you guys.

Alex Took This...

A golden sun melting with the day

I can't think of anything to say about sangria or chicken pot pie that would be worth writing a whole blog entry about. It's pretty obvious to me that this blogging-every-day thing is harder than I expected. My mind is scattered, my relationships and feelings are tenuous, and I can't seem to focus a thought clearly. But. There's been a song consistently playing in my head.

When I See You Smile
by Bad English

Sometimes I wonder
How I'd ever make it through,
Through this world without having you
I just wouldn't have a clue

'Cause sometimes it seems
Like this world's closing in on me,
And there's no way of breaking free
And then I see you reach for me

Sometimes I wanna give up
I wanna give in,
I wanna quit the fight
And then I see you, baby
And everything's alright,
everything's alright

When I see you smile
I can face the world, oh oh,
you know I can do anything
When I see you smile
I see a ray of light, oh oh,
I see it shining right through the rain
When I see you smile
Oh yeah, baby when I see you smile at me

Baby there's nothing in this world
that could ever do
What a touch of your hand can do
It's like nothing that I ever knew

And when the rain is falling
I don't feel it,
'cause you're here with me now
And one look at you baby
Is all I'll ever need,
you're all I'll ever need

Sometimes I wanna give up
I wanna give in,
I wanna quit the fight
And then I see you baby
And everything's alright,
everything's alright

So right...

Witness My Madness

Les Miserables has been dominant in my brain lately. It's what I listen to in my car, as a matter of fact. There is a line which has always bugged me, and so it's the subject of today's blog. Here is a taste-test of the progression of thought that almost always comes whenever I hear that part of the play.

It comes from the song Drink With Me. Setting: friends are gathered in a tavern, lamenting their oncoming battle, knowing full well they might not survive.

"Here's to pretty girls who went to our heads. Here's to witty girls who went to our beds."

Why do the witty girls go to their beds, but not their heads?

Why don't the pretty girls go to their beds??

Why are pretty and witty mutually exclusive?

Am I pretty? Or am I witty?

Which is better? Going to a man's head or his bed? And why?

Which is the kind that you marry?

Are men dumb?

La, Meet Your Tattoo.

There's this guy who is a friend of a friend...his name is Darrin. The past two times we met him he drew on me. Yes, drew. With ink. This man has the mad artist skills, and I've now decided that when it's time, he will design my tattoo.



Here's a highly messed-with photo of the drawing I received last night. He drew it on the small of my back, and when I finally saw it in the mirror, I was instantly in love. The next thing I will have him do is draw a similar image on paper, and ink it with brightly vivid colors... I am so so so excited! This is it. I found it. Ahh...it's a superb feeling!

My New Obsession

There is a beauty in the world which, when tasted, cannot be lived without. I, of course, am speaking of DVR.

DVR is a way to record tv programs digitally. That is to say, without a tape. That is to say, how did we ever survive without this technology?? I am not like Rebecca, who is a psychic. By psychic, I mean that she mostly remembers which night her favorite shows are on. No, I'm no psychic. I forget which night are my shows. So this season I've stopped having "my shows".

Not to mention new shows! Friends and family alike have implored me to watch Heroes, which I had thought seemed interesting when I saw the previews. But, alas, I missed the season premiere, and I can't remember which night it's on. So no Heroes for me.

Enter in my friend Lee, who has the most bitchin' entertainment system EVER (Ok, besides Sideon, who is Uber-Entertainment Man). We spent a couple of evenings at his house and we are not only caught up on every episode of The Office, but we also are nearly caught up on all the Heroes episodes. YAY!!! And now I'm hooked. Yay for the sedentary lifestyle that is television addiction!! Woo-hoo!

DVR made this possible. I can't go back to VHS! That would be like eating my daughter's cheap Halloween chocolates after sampling luscious Swiss chocolate like Lindt. It would be a crime. And so, I vow to get DVR*.

*When I can afford it, cause damn it's expensive! :)

It's Friday, but what does that really mean?

I don't usually do this. I've made an effort to keep most of my complaints off my blog. I want to keep this as a forum of positivity, for the most part. But damn. I can't keep this in any longer so here's a list of current complaints:

* Being sick, especially the gutteral phlegm-y coughing kind

* Getting my period 2 weeks early, and having it for a week straight (as opposed to 5 days)

* Having a sick kid, and having the school call you to inform you of her 101 degree fever, which you should've known about if you were any kind of a parent and checked that kind of thing before you sent her off to school (esp. since she stayed home from school sick yesterday!)

* Not having someone to make me homemade chicken soup and bring me clear fluids all day long

* Jim missed Pam's text message last night on The Office. I'm getting sick of that storyline dragging out.

* Poopy diapers. I'm SO over any baby-hunger...

* There's too many movies I want to see. I don't have enough time!

* Saying the words, "Mormonism doesn't really affect me anymore", then pausing, then hearing Dick Norse on KSL talk about Gordon B. Hinkley on the news. Okay, I proceeded to flip off the TV, so maybe I'm not all the way recovered... :)

This list has gotten way too long. I'll stop it there. Happy Friday to you all!

Two Inches Less

As I ran my fingers through my long, straight black hair, I could hear the sound of hundreds of tiny hairs snapping under the pressure. Have you ever heard hair breaking? Like a crunching sound, but tiny?? It reminds me of the quiet but deafening sound of The Langoliers in the novel by Stephen King.

I knew it was time for a haircut.

"How can I keep my hair long and healthy?" I asked my stylist. "I don't use any product, so it's not really being damaged by chemicals..."

"There's your trouble. Right there. You should be using chemicals. Then when you flat-iron your hair, the heat acts first upon the chemicals, instead of your hair," was her reply.

She round brushed my hair with such fluidity that I was left aghast. She applied mousse, then blow dried it with a round brush, then applied something called "Repair and Shine", then flat-ironed it. My hair was straight, yet full of body. It was lovely!

When I create my own worlds without number, I'll finally be able to have a hairdresser of my very own! :)

Another Pic...

Enjoy the freakish companion to yesterday's photo:

He sees you whine. He knows your hate. You can't hide.

Dave Took This...

The Hawk

I accept the Blog Every Day challenge

Never one to turn down a good competition, I've joined the ranks of Eric in this endeavor. I'm actually just a little bit challenged by this, because lately I've not had properly firing synapses. So, while some posts may be a bit desperate and--let's face it--boring, I do commit to writing a blog post every day in the month of November.