Don't ask me how I turned out this way. I could blame too-early sexual exposure. I could blame my parents' lack of affection. I could blame the Mormon authoritarianism. Maybe it's all of the above, or maybe it's just the way I am. But lately, I've been attempting a reinvention of Me.
Last week I got contacts, and just today I got a 3rd piercing on my left ear. When Gordon B. Hinkley gave the edict of only one pair of earrings for girls, I took my second pair out. Why? Because it was a tangible commandment I could obey, as opposed to "Love Thy Neighbor". Now I see that edict as being just another way to say, "become one of us" or "we are the Morg, we will assimilate you". Does having 3 piercings mean I'm a total punk? Not at all! There's not very many things more harmless than a cute little earring. Bunnies can do more damage!
Sure, I drink way more than I did before leaving that church. But I know that I'll find a happy medium somewhere between total alcoholic and total prude. It'll come.
Here's one thing that I'm only now learning: I have control over myself. No one else does. (I could really go off on the Mormon principle of "agency"!) And what does that mean? It means that if I want to lose weight, I don't need some bishop telling me that I will finally find happiness if I do. It means that if I'm stressed out by my kids, the safer thing to do is calm down by a drink, instead of letting it get worse and worse. It means that I can love my body the way it is, if I want to! And it also means that despite my opinions (which are mostly well-intended) I cannot expect others to have the same ones. I'm much more accepting now, in my opinion. :)
And there's one last thing I want to say. I have great examples around me of people who love themselves. It is such a strange and foreign concept to me, but one that I must learn. So I'm going to try to give myself a pat on the back once in a while. Don't think I'm a pompous prick (can a girl be a prick?), but realize that I am taking important steps to gaining balance. Peace!