A little lesson

Wanting something you can't have. You all know what I'm talking about; we've all experienced that feeling at some point.

Remember when you were a little kid and you just HAD to have the newest trend or the coolest toy? My 6 year old daughter goes through what I call The Process about once a day. At least! The Process is the progression of events from the first "want" idea or visual stimuli all the way to the fateful fight and/or grounding.

I have one rule when I take her to the store, just one: look all you want, but I better not hear you say things like "I want that..." or "Mommy, will you buy me this?" She can say things like "Whoa, that's cool!" or "That would be fun to have!" Just no whining or begging. Usually it works out pretty well, but there's always a "Mommy can we go to McDonalds?" or "I'm bored, can you call my cousins and have them come over?" It's always something. She always wants more. I was probably like that too.

As we grow older the wants become much more complicated, and perhaps at higher costs. We rarely want something just for the sake of having it; usually it's also about how we'll look having the thing we want. Or how we perceive that Thing will make us feel about ourselves.

I see my older nephews and nieces puzzling over how to get what they want; how to save enough money, how to get that guy to call, how to get their parents to let them do stuff. They are starting to rely on themselves to get what they want, as opposed to always depending on someone else.

The complex part of it all is the way we deal when we can't get what we want. Do we act like my 6 year old--crying, whining, calling names? Do we act like my teenage nephews/nieces--getting depressive, angry, taking it out on other people? I've been trying to teach myself to let things go more fluidly. I am a whiner, a crier, and someone who'll get angry and take it out on others. So part of my 'self-discovery' is a realization that I need to go with the flow, take things in stride, and not internalize everything so deeply. I need to be able to say "I can't have that, and I'm ok with it". I'm not a 6 year old anymore; I'm not a teenager. But I am still growing up.