Monday, May 12, 2008

Heavy Petting

Remember when you got the YM/YW pamphlet that said you shouldn't participate in "heavy petting"? Hearing that phrase makes me laugh my guts out. Heavy Petting. It's kind of ambiguous, so I decided to look it up on dictionary.com. Here's what I learned:

v. pet·ted, pet·ting, pets

v. tr.
To stroke or caress gently; pat.

v. intr. Informal
To make love by fondling and caressing.

To make love?!? Holy crap! So what the hell does HEAVY petting insinuate? Ramming? If merely petting crosses the chastity line, I think a more direct way of saying it would be "Thou Shalt Only Engage in Petting With Thine Spouse; and, If Married, Only Heavily Pet if Both Participants are Down With That Kind of Thing".

By the way, I'm actively rewriting the 10 commandments, loosely based off of George Carlin's book "When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?" Funny stuff. Maybe I'll just post his version instead.

3 comments:

sideon said...

I left the Morg before I went into YMs. Damn. By then it was too late anyway, because I'd discovered muchly before 12. The definition thing cracks me up - talk about extremes and dry humping!

Kronos said...

Pound It!

Darliegh said...

Laura, you are hilarious - I tried to read this blog to Dustin and could barely make it through I was laughing so hard!