Since JOOM begged... :)

Since I have nothing to say really, I'll just write some ramblings about my life.

I really love my job. Last night I stopped by to pick up my paycheck. When I walked in, I saw familiar faces and it felt just a little bit like home. I sort of get why Cheers was based on reality. Hanging at a bar isn't something I'm used to doing, but I get the sense of family that those who do feel. Laurie as bartender, Julie, Scott, Ralph, and guy-I-can't-remember-the-name-of were all there at the bar and said Hey when I walked in. Soon they'll all be droning in unison, "Norm!"

There's a guy there named Unc (like the first syllable of uncle). I don't even know his real name. There's a loud-mouth trucker who's called Skinner. There's a prim Scottish guy named Brian. There's a dashing player named Shawn, aka Italian Stallion. Janice and Darryl always drink Michelob draft.

I love my job.

I love my family too. We got together for dinner on Sunday, and had a blast singing karaoke. How many families can do that? Grown-ups and kids alike, enjoying each other, singing solos and duets, and just hanging out.

My nephew Oliver had heart surgery last Friday. Check out my brother's blog and see some of the pictures. He's doing great. I saw him yesterday and would never have known he's gone through surgery in the past week. What a stud.

Ok, time to get going with my day. :) Thanks for reading, lovely people.

Happy Bloggiversary To Me...!!! (all together, now)

Hello my friends. One year ago today I created my blog and published my first post. Oh my how things have changed....

I have met people from all over who make me laugh, who inspire me to greatness (haven't gotten there yet, though), and who have become my friends. I just want to take a minute to bare my testimony of some of the bloggers who have pulled me through this past year, and got me ever closer to Finding La. :)

Sideon, Don, you're the first person I met. *sigh* You know my heart melts for you (just like all the other ladies!). You Aries, me Sagi, we are a fiery pair. My mango lotion will forever remind me of you.

JLO, Runtu, I don't even know if you read my blog anymore. I miss you, though I haven't devoted much time to the blog world lately. You doubt yourself so much, and yet you've been a life support to so many people. Plus, I still hold on to certain images which remind me to relinquish control now and then. Good life lesson.

LFAB, Carol, you are the ring leader. You are known world-wide, and you are one of the most intelligent people I know. And. More important. You are SO sweet. You can talk politics, computer geek stuff, or fashion. Diverse and funny! AND HOT! Sheesh. You've got it all, woman.

Rebecca, Rebecca, what can I say? The first thing you ever commented on my blog was that you loved it. How can I not like you? Who says you're not personable? I'll kick their butts. I think you've seen me more like Myself than most other people. Move back here. Now. You're hot too (said only because I just told Carol that, and I didn't want you to get all up in my business about not saying it to you. But see, Carol and I haven't been on a girl-date, and I never had a girl-crush on her like I did with you, so you can't be jealous).

I have bunches and bunches of other blog friends too, but those are my first 4. These are the ones who read my blog from the beginning (mostly) and who valiantly helped shape me in my tenuous first days out of the church.

One year ago today I had submitted my paperwork to have my name removed from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. My childhood religion.

One year ago today I was new to the exmo world, and I spent ungodly amounts of time on the RFM message board.

One year ago today I still had brown hair.

One year ago today I weighed lots more (not sure how much, but damn if I'm not in a size 16 now for the first time since high school. YEE HAW!!)

One year ago today I didn't know that I'm beautiful. (except today, because I have the flu.)

One year ago today I was uptight and naive and I thought I'd experienced everything I ever could sexually. I was wrong.

One year ago today was the first step in a long, arduous journey that I've undertaken. I've never felt more free, content, and excited about life than I have since letting go of my religion. It's been such an amazing year. Ups, downs, and plateaus made this one of my best years ever. Here's to (at least) 50 more, just like it!!

Cheers!

My Kids Are Awesome

So I've been thinking lately that I really need to tackle and conquer my faults as a mother. You know, the things that make you realize that you are turning into your parents. One of my issues to work on is that I need to pay more attention to my kids; be more involved in their development as human beings (as opposed to their development into mini-Laura's). I've come up with a few things I can do to pay more attention to them.

I guess all this thought I've given to this topic has automatically turned my attention to my kids. I have been a little more patient, as far as I can tell. I've become just a little more amused by their antics, instead of being pissed off.

Anyhow, I was just sitting here watching them. Their PBS show had ended, and it was listing the sponsors of the program. During that part they were yelling at each other; but in a funny way. Then the tv had a little song play during the "commercial". When the music started, they jumped off the couch and started bouncing up and down on the floor, in rhythm to the song.

My son ran over to where I was and almost hit his head on the corner of the desk. I didn't yell at him, but instead I fake-sternly told him to Watch It! I suppose that's neat to no one else but me. Oh well. My son then ran back and forth across the room, and he was delighted that I was watching. His little eyes sparkled.

*sigh*

This will be a good change for me. :)

Sometimes a song says it better...

Song for a Winter's Night by Sarah McLachlan

The lamp is burning low upon my table top
The snow is softly falling
The air is still in the silence of my room
I hear your voice softly calling

If I could only have you near
To breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
On this winter's night with you

The smoke is rising, in the shadows overhead
My glass is almost empty
I read again between the lines upon each page
The words of love you send me

If I could know within my heart
That you were lonely too
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
On this winter's night with you

The fire is dying, my lamp is growing dim,
The shades of night are lifting
The morning light steals across my window pane
Where webs of snow are drifting

If I could only have you near
To breathe a sigh or two
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love
On this winter's night with you
And to be once again with you.

Cold Hands, and a Not-So-Pure Heart

It's cold. Damn cold. And this weekend it's forcasted to be colder. JHC. (our Lord's initials, for all you non-blasphemers out there)

I'm sitting here blogging fully dressed (as opposed to how I'm normally blogging...!) and wearing my coat too. I don't think I'd type as well if I were wearing gloves, so I haven't resorted to that yet. I'm close though.

**tangent alert**

JOOM: totally come hang if you're here. Seriously.

Rebecca: who's the "ho" exactly??

DFB: Yeah it had meaning. Bite me. Oh and let's watch Return of the King.

**whew, survived the tangent**

So all I want to do is stay in a warm bath or the hot tub all day long. As soon as I get out, even though it successfully raised my body temperature, I get cold again.

I used to love the cold. But now I don't. I can picture myself living in a climate that either A) doesn't ever change more that 20 degrees one way or the other or B) somewhere hot. Although, mid-summer I get pretty miserable if it's too hot. Maybe I'll migrate south to St. George, UT in October and back north to Rexburg, ID in April like my grandparents used to.

Until that time, sadly, my hands will swell and shrink with the ginormous temperature span here in Utah. Or maybe I can get Tom Clark to knit me AWESOME pussy-gloves to match my AWESOME pussy-cap. :)

Interesting...

You are the World

Completion, Good Reward.

The World is the final card of the Major Arcana, and as such represents saturnian energies, time, and completion.

The World card pictures a dancer in a Yoni (sometimes made of laurel leaves). The Yoni symbolizes the great Mother, the cervix through which everything is born, and also the doorway to the next life after death. It is indicative of a complete circle. Everything is finally coming together, successfully and at last. You will get that Ph.D. you've been working for years to complete, graduate at long last, marry after a long engagement, or finish that huge project. This card is not for little ends, but for big ones, important ones, ones that come with well earned cheers and acknowledgements. Your hard work, knowledge, wisdom, patience, etc, will absolutely pay-off; you've done everything right.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Words

We all know the phrase "actions speak louder than words". But there is a power to words that we don't often acknowledge as we trudge through the daily grind. Just the fact that we have a phrase like "actions speak louder than words" signifies that we associate words with ideas to get desired actions. Words, definitions, metaphors, and many others are tools we utilize to be understood, and to try to understand others.

I remember when I first met Eric. Ever and over-eager, he used to tell me "I love you" nearly constantly. I got a fax one time that had the phrase "Je Taime" written on it probably 500 times, if not more. While I liked being spoiled with it at first, it did get old. It lost its meaning through repetition. Besides, I come from a family of people who talk alot, but don't easily delve into their emotions and feelings. For some reason, it's easier for us to talk about farts, for gods sake, than it is to discuss things that make us really uneasy, like love. Weird.

By contrast, my wedding ring (the one I truly consider my wedding ring, not the actual ring I got when getting married) has a phrase engraved on it: "You and no other". Actually, it too is in French; "Vu et nul autre" is what it really says. Those words have been consistently powerful to me, especially on something like a ring, which is symbolic in so many ways.

I'm coming up on my 1 year bloggaversary in a couple of weeks. In looking back over the past year, I wonder why it is that I was able to let the church go so fluidly and completely. (OK, so it's not completely gone, but it only holds a very minor portion of my thoughts anymore) Why is that? Do I just have a personality that lets things go easily, even things that were the most important thing in my life for many years? How come my transition has been this easy?

Here's what I think: I think that through the words I've written, and the ideas I've formulated and let go into the universe, that I truly have had some benefit which maybe lots of people who exit the church don't have. Yep, I'm saying that my words have actually help heal me. Is that crazy talk?

For the most part, day to day, my actions validate my words. Or invalidate them. But to see the power of communication and understanding to its fullest, we must have a good foundation in sharing our common language. Sharing the words that we hold inside. Releasing the emotions we feel, through words. Communicating, I once learned, is a two-sided method to maintain and establish lasting relationships and a sense of community, of belonging.

*Blink* *Blink* Is it over?

Yeah these holidays were a whirlwind, no doubt. I think my daughter had The Best Reaction Ever to a Christmas present, so it was a good time for me too.

New Year's Eve I had to work, which was actually okay given my job and all. The party was a little lame, but lots of people got really drunk, so I'm sure they were having fun. We even had a legitimate bar fight, albeit out in the parking lot. So that was exciting! I'm still suffering from the severe lack of sleep I've had lately. But my cold is gone (mostly) and my cough is only a couple of times a day so that's really nice.

So Sideon blew through town (pun intended) and we didn't even get to see him!! Can you believe it? Hmph. 724 miles apart for most of the year, and this one little chance was blown (again, intended). Oh well, maybe next time. I just wanted to see Midas, really, so whatever. :)

This year will be a stressful one. But the good news is that I'm ready to face it head on, overcome challenges, and try to grow and be a better person. OH, and I want to lose 20 more pounds. So that'll be fun. Peace!